Dungeons and Dragons or a Year After Your Death
by Designated Writer
Summary: Its been 365 days....Complete!
1. Dungeons and Dragons

Dear Diary,

It was Czeslaw Milosz who said, "**A Year After Your Death…."**

365 days ago, professionally (though you be hard pressed to know it in my family. Read on) I was a highly respected Seattle psychiatrist with a long list of clients.

365 days ago, I was the youngest son of Martin and the late Hester Crane, always striving to make them, and now just him, proud of me like they, he, is of Frasier (see below). To have his friends at McGunity's recognize me for once and say, as they do to Frasier, "your Dad talks about you all the time". Or "you should hear how your Dad talks about you, he is so proud of you…" (I think you have seen enough of this picture, so, moving on...)

365 days ago, I was the highly competitive, younger brother of the renowned KACL radio psychiatrist and living in the constant shadow of Frasier Crane (see above).

365 days ago, I received a cast iron dragon from Roz Doyle, (I guess you could say we've come to an understanding and would call one another "friend") that still sits on my (formally Mother's) desk and stared back at me as I wrote these entries every night in my study.

365 days ago, I learned how to cry again (the last time was at Mother's funeral almost 14 years ago).

365 days ago, I had to watch the unimaginable and not stop it. It was through that singular event, that my life, my world, and the Dr. Niles Crane everyone knew ceased to exist.

365 days ago I tried to end my life and thus, ended up "here".

365 days ago I had to learn how to breathe, after it stopped.

365 days ago my heart had to learn how to beat again. Which of course it did, otherwise I wouldn't be writing to you now. But only, sadly, it beats slower and to a different tune.

365 days ago I had to learn how to function (for I had stopped living----and don't let anyone tell you different, there is a difference between living and functioning).

365 days ago, I had to stop.

365 days ago, I had to stop loving Daphne Moon.

P.S. I am being released this weekend from the mental hospital (or dungeon as I like to refer to it) that Dad and Frasier had me admitted to, and I will finally be going home. We used my savings so I could keep my home at The Montana.

Speaking of which… Frasier just called and told me and knowing the obsessive-compulsive clean freak that I am (hey, some things never change, no matter how much therapy you put into them), that Daphne (yes, as in Moon) was over at my place and currently cleaning/dusting my study (and the rest of the place too).

It will be so good to be home again…

Yours in Strictest Confidence,

****

Niles Crane


	2. Demons and Dragons

**__**

Demons and Dragons…On That Night

On that night he had a front row, couch side seat to the event.

On that night, he had to watch it play out, helpless and heartbroken.

On that night, she excitedly cried out "yes"', he, silently cried out "no"'.

On that night, my trepidation commenced.

On that night, his face held an understandable mix of disbelief, shock and pain.

On that night, the dragon couldn't be slain.

On that night, I breathed my own breath into his lifeless body.

On that night, I pounded on his chest in an attempt to resuscitate his broken and stopped heart.

On that night we lost him.

On that night we lost him to his dreams.

On that night we lost him to the death of those dreams.

On that night, the death of those dreams was too big of a demon for him to conquer.

On that night, we lost my little brother, Dr. Niles Crane.


	3. Destruction and Dragons

**__**

Destruction and Dragons: A Firsthand Witness Account

I witnessed how his love for two women would ultimately disable and then destroy him, first hand.

I witnessed how his love for them both would never be returned back, first hand.

I witnessed the beginning of his first destruction, when he repeated and then subsequently vowed "to love and to obey" to heart, first hand.

I witnessed how she gave birth to his new insecurities while watching the older ones develop into more firmly entrenched ones, first hand.

I witnessed how she repeatedly broke; beat, battered and brought down his self-esteem, first hand.

I witnessed how her words and abuse left him a mangled mess of frayed nerves, first hand.

I witnessed how she answered his questioning self-doubts by leaving him with no voice or thought of his own, first hand.

I witnessed how he helped her by berating and belittling himself, first hand.

I witnessed how she manipulated, toyed and took advantage of the love he had for her, first hand.

I witnessed how she took the man who loved her, and threw him and his feelings away with not so much of an afterthought, first hand.

I witnessed how the abuse she had inflicted, left him with scars so deep that it prevented him from seeking his true love, and indirectly destroying him again, first hand.

I witnessed his secret love affair from afar, first hand.

I witnessed his longing for her, first hand.

I witnessed his incredible fear of rejection from her, first hand.

I witnessed how second chances would elude him, first hand.

I witnessed through him how cruel life and fate can be, first hand.

I witnessed (even though he was not present) the start of his final and ultimate destruction when I saw the purchase being made, first hand.

I witnessed him in his red bow tie, first hand.

I witnessed his heartbreaking offerings of explanations of why and what ifs, first hand.

I witnessed with him, the singular event that would ultimately destroy him, first hand.

I witnessed as the little color he had in his face drain, first hand.

I witnessed him fight back his tears and blame himself for the lost opportunities, first hand.

I witnessed how one, little, three- letter word destroyed, devastated and killed the man I called my son, first hand.


	4. Diamonds and Dragons

**__**

Diamonds and Dragons...It's Been a Year Already

It's hard to believe that it's been a year already.

One year ago tonight, Donny presented me with my "star" that adorns my finger and we got engaged.

Tonight we are going out to dinner to celebrate, and soon, we will be married…maybe…

It's hard to believe that it's been a year already.

One year ago tonight, Dr. Niles Crane died…

This coming weekend, Niles Crane is being released from the mental hospital.

It's hard to believe that it's been a year already.

One year ago tonight I had a vision of a cast iron dragon and never had it again.

This afternoon while dusting over at The Montana, I saw that same cast iron dragon…

It's hard to believe that it's been a year already.


	5. Unicorns and Dragons

__

**Unicorns and Dragons**

"They are going to be so surprised and happy. But not nearly as happy as you have made me."

He kissed her on the lips and then, pressed two of his fingers to his lips and kissed them and placed them on her belly.

"I'll call you once I've made the reservation," she told him.

"I love you," he told her.

"I love you too," she returned before shutting the front door.

-------

"I'll see you soon. I love you."

He hung up the phone and glanced at his watch. He still had 15 minutes.

He went over to one of the bookcases that adorned his office. He went specifically to one shelf in particular and pulled out one of his handkerchiefs from its protective casing and started to dust the knickknacks on the shelf one by one.

He started with the smaller ones. All of which were four little unicorns from her private collection.

He then dusted the centerpiece and what the unicorns surrounded, his dragon from Roz.

He ended with a smile.


End file.
